Everybody knows Jake Plunkett’s mama, Ms. Bootsie (Robin Plunkett), is the one you go to whenever you need the right questions ask about what is really going on. That’s why I wasn’t surprise when I heard that Miss Bootsie was letting Jake and his friends from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (LSSC) tag along with her during her visit to talk to Dr. James Hamblin about what the Coronavirus wants from us.

    “The virus doesn’t want to kill you?” said the doc.

    “What does it want to do?” Ms. Bootsie asked.

    “Just get passed along.” the doc responded.

When Ms. Bootsie heard that last part, there, she heard “just get passed a lung.” Now, don’t y’all go being hard on Ms. Bootsie, there. Ms. Bootsie is, after all, a 61 year old woman. And folks in that age group need you to speak up.

The good news is the young buck is a respectable young fella who recognize that Ms. Bootsie is old enough to be his mama. So when Ms. Bootsie asked, “Passed a lung?” The young fella respectfully said, “Get passed along to other people, stay alive.”

That’s right, folks! The Coronavirus ain’t that bright. The Coronavirus has yet to figure out how to stay alive and not kill folks so that it can be passed around like a blunt in a Jamaican juke joint. It’s killed so many people that the World Health Organization (WHO) has classified it as a pandemic. Although our numbers aren’t as high as the numbers are in China, our total number of deaths are now above the 100 mark. And that there, folks, is enough to scare anybody to the cross.

How many of y’all will be blessed?! None, probably because God has told Jesus that He can no longer work in the divinity business.

I'm forbidding Jesus from working until this is over.

You'll have to die for your own sins now.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 13, 2020

Therefore, y’all are going to have to listen to the human experts, like Dr. Anthony Fauci, who keep telling y’all to stay at home, take a bath and wash between all the crevices that you have, there.

Don’t touch your face. Don’t touch anybody else’s face. Learn how to properly wash your hide so that you don’t end up buying all the toilet tissue that other folks need to wipe their hides. 

Most importantly, thoroughly wash your hands after cleaning your “flower bed and the muck back there.” Because if you don’t thoroughly wash your hands after cleaning up around there, you can get infected with something that ends up expediting your checkout time out of here. Remember that cleanliness is next to godliness. "Praise be to He," as Daddy Gemstone would say.

Now, I know there are those of you who are wondering why you should be force to take a bath and then stay at home. The answer is simply that there are folks, like Ms. Bootsie, who are older and or who have pre-existing conditions that make it harder for their immune systems to help fight off the Coronavirus.

The last thing any of us want is for our parents, grandparents, or even a young person who has a pre-existing condition to become gravely ill because you just gotta meet your Tinder date at the local Bar and Grill around the corner, there.

That’s not cool. Therefore, follow Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s advice, “If I don’t engage in these good behaviors for me, then I should do it for you. I should do it for the people around me.” Thinking and caring are two good things to do, during these trying times.

One more good thing to do is to not listen to “Ms. Hattie.” For those of y’all who may not know, “Ms. Hattie” is the lady who thinks everything is a conspiracy. Waking up this morning is a conspiracy. A full moon is a conspiracy. No cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster is a conspiracy.

Ms. Bootsie has a “Ms. Hattie” at her hair salon who’s going around telling everybody that this is a “conspiracy.” The good thing is Ms. Bootsie doesn’t believe her and is listening to the medical experts like Dr. James Hamblin:  “So you just have to be extra careful and ask everyone around you to be extra careful because you want to not get it.” And in order to increase your chances of not getting the Coronavirus, you need to listen to the doctors and not those conspiracy theorists who’ll have you turning up dead while trying to wait for the heat to cure you. Therefore, stay at home, cook, clean, watch TV, talk to the folks in your house.

“We’re in a Panademic,” as Ms. Bootsie would say! And together is the only way we’re all going to get through this.